Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell spoke about how all of us have an almost fixed calorie expense budget per day.
How exercise keeps us healthy is by helping us expend that budget — otherwise, the body will find ways to expend it by attacking our own internal systems, which might be one reason for chronic inflammation that leads to many serious illnesses.
Not until just now did I draw a parallel to this idea — that we, as humans, have a “love budget” too.
We are born to show love, make love, give love. But it’s limited, with a budget.
If we give more than the budget allows — one will get drained. That’s the scenario where a person in a relationship feels that they are always giving more, leaving nothing for themselves.
If you give less than the budget allows — maybe in some psychological way, your body sabotages itself because there is no outlet for love, and it turns toxic when kept within for too long.
Maybe, just maybe — when one is giving the right amount, will they feel happy and purposeful.
Maybe that is why, at my current stage, single, I feel the need to contribute. The urge to contribute, to make someone’s life better, boils most vigorously on the days when I’m travelling alone, when there are no receivers of love.
One can argue you can love yourself. Yes — but that’s not really what the argument here is about. I’m specifically referring to love output, the love that goes out of you as a system.
What has contribution looked like for me over the past years:
- Coaching a frisbee team, without asking for anything in return.
- Helping friends in their career transitions.
- Monetary contribution.
Those moments of contribution are days where I feel I belong to the world, and have a purpose.